“That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little run…”
That’s about the best reason I’ve ever heard for running: no particular reason. You’ve got to love the simplicity of Gump’s thinking. He wasn’t running to lose weight, or for his health. If he were, his momma – who was wise beyond her years - would probably have put him right. Running is bad for your health and crap for weight loss.
“…so I ran to the end of the road.”
It seems that just thinking about losing weight flips a switch in peoples’ heads that gives them the overwhelming urge to run. Otherwise intelligent people start stumbling around the streets in shell suits and tight T-shirts, but all they get for their trouble is injuries and a potbelly.
“And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd run to the end of town.”
The Oxford Dictionary defines health as “the state of being free from illness or injury”. Does that sound like any runner you know? Does it? Really?
If you run, eventually you will get injured. Tapping a keyboard can give you repetitive strain injury, imagine how much damage you can do to your bones and joints by repeatedly striking the pavement with several times your bodyweight.
And please don’t be fooled into thinking that running shoes will save you. Running shoes are like the filter on a cigarette: they only reduce some of bad things – in this case impact forces - but not all of them. The big difference here is that cigarettes have a government health warning on them. Maybe it’s time the government put a warning on running shoes?
Warning: running can seriously damage your health.
“And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd just run across Greenbow County.”
When the little running switch in your head flips on, wellbeing is relegated to the dark recesses of your brain and “endorphin rush” and “enjoyable scenery” suddenly become your life’s purpose.
People tell me running helps take their mind off of their worries. Now, I fully understand the need to get away from the daily grind, but you can do this without guilt, injury, persistent colds, chest infections, comedy shorts, or expensive running shoes.
While we’re on the subject, there’s something I simply must get off my chest. Many fat people say they are too intimidated to use a gym - which I can understand to some degree. However, they don’t seem to mind mincing around the street in tight shorts and a headband looking like an extra from Shallow Hal. Now what’s THAT all about?
“And I figured, since I run this far, maybe I'd just run across the great state of Alabama. And that's what I did. I ran clear across Alabama. For no particular reason I just kept on going.”
And don’t tell me running is a fantastic calorie-burner because it ain’t.
The average marathon runner burns about 2800 calories. Now, 2800 might sound like a big number (and it is a big number if you place a “£” in front of it - well, it is to me), but when you consider a pound of fat packs a whopping 3500 calories things become a little clearer. It turns out that our marathon runner slogged away for 26 miles on the energy in a paltry 13 ounces of fat. That’s 13 ounces, NOT 13 pounds.
What’s more, our runner would use 300 calories if he just sat and watched the marathon on TV instead of running it. So those 2800 calories are really 2500 and that paltry 13 ounces of fat just dropped to 11 ½ ounces.
“I ran clear to the ocean. And when I got there, I figured, since I'd gone this far, I might as well turn around, just keep on going.”
You were designed to use energy efficiently; that’s how the human race survived. It’s also why you can run for half an hour on the calories in a jam donut. The same jam donut can keep your brain alive for 50 hours. Though, judging from the level of thought that many people seem capable of, I suspect that number is on the low side. I digress.
“When I got to another ocean, I figured, since I'd gone this far, I might as well just turn back, keep right on going.”
If you still consider running a viable exercise, let me ask you this: Do you feel compelled to run after eating a “treat” to “burn it off”? I have two words for you: guilt absolution.
That’s the name for what you are doing when you try to absolve your feelings of guilt by running after eating a “forbidden” or “naughty” food.
Does this sound healthy to you?
Running will not make up for dietary indiscretions. What it will do, however, is reinforce indiscriminate eating.
Many runners I know binge eat. Despite what they believe, there aren’t enough hours in the day to run off the amount calories in the chocolate, pizza, and beer they binge on. How do I know? Because they’re fat.
Feeling guilty after eating, and compulsive exercise are unhealthy.
“I had run for 3 years, 2 months, 14 days, and 16 hours…
…I'm pretty tired... I think I'll go home now.”
That’s what I love about the producers of Forrest Gump: they keep it real. After running all that time, Forrest didn’t lose an ounce of fat. What’s that? He wasn’t injured, either? Don’t count on it. I’m waiting for the sequel where Forrest has double hip replacement surgery and tendonitis in his knees.
“It happens.”
